Remuda Ranch

When Someone You Know Has an Eating Disorder

What Should I Do?

• Know the signs of anorexia and bulimia. See Signs of an Eating Disorder.
• Learn what community and healthcare resources are available.
• Understand that eating disorders are complex. Recovery is not just a matter of will power.
• Discuss your concerns with the individual.
• Be compassionate; listen.
• Try to understand things from the person’s perspective. Understand that persons with eating disorders often make decisions based on their feelings rather than on facts and logic.
• State what you have observed—list evidence of the problem.
• Express your concerns about the person’s health and functioning, not just their weight.
• Indicate your conviction that the situation should at least be evaluated by a professional.
• Explain how you can help—with a referral, information, emotional or financial support.
• End the conversation if going nowhere or if the person becomes upset. But if possible, leave the door open for further conversations.
• Have patience: If rejected, try again later, explaining that you are coming back because you think the situation is serious.
• Respond during emergencies: If the person is throwing up several times per day, passing out, complaining of chest pain, or talking about suicide, get help immediately.
• Find support for yourself. Talk to a counselor or healthcare professional; attend a support group for family and friends of those with eating disorders.

What should I NOT do?

• Don’t make promises you can’t keep; don’t promise to keep the person’s behavior a secret.
• Don’t get over-involved. Know your limits. You are not a substitute for professional care.
• Don’t oversimplify. Avoid platitudes like, “Eating disorders are an addiction like alcoholism,” or “All you have to do is accept yourself as you are.”
• Don’t nag about eating or not eating, or spend time talking about food and weight.
• Don’t be judgmental; don’t say that what the person is doing is “sick”, “stupid”, or “self-destructive.”
• Don’t give advice about weight loss, exercise, or appearance.
• Don’t say, “I know how you feel.” You can demonstrate that you understand by paraphrasing what the person has said.
• Don’t feel obliged to agree with the person’s perspective or beliefs, even though you are making an effort to understand them.
• Don’t bring a group of people to confront the person.

If someone you know has an eating disorder, call Remuda Programs for Eating Disorders at 1-800-445-1900.